I attended the wedding reception of the daughter of some friends recently.  The bride was beautiful and just being at the reception brought back memories of my own children and their weddings.  My daughters were so happy and beautiful on their wedding days.  My nostalgic memories were interrupted when my friend, the bride’s mother, said her feet hurt.  Suddenly I remembered all the work, worry, and of course sore feet that were also part of the weddings.

My daughters had definite ideas about everything at their weddings; the food, flowers, dresses, decoration, photography, venue and music.  Arranging the seemingly endless details so that the actual big day met their long held ideal of their wedding day matched was not a challenge for the faint of heart. Remembering all the work and worry made me wonder–what if we had kept the wedding celebrations very simple. Weddings were not always elaborate celebrations.

My own grandparents and great-grandparents had very simple weddings by today’s standards. But they were not unusual or out of the norm for their time.  When I first saw a picture of my great-grandmother in her black wedding dress it seemed unusual and a little strange. Knowledge about the customs of the time helped me understand. Now that I know many women during that time period were married in black, a very practical color, I know that my great-grandmother, and her black dress, was not unusual for that time but more the norm.

I attended a class on German marriage laws and customs and gained even more knowledge. Perhaps, my desire for simple wedding ceremonies and celebrations was in part some way connected to my German heritage.  Whatever it was I found the information fascinating.

The German Empire included many independent kingdoms, duchies and entities.  Over the years the marriage laws and customs varied.  The Emden marriage laws of 1596 prescribed the wedding rituals from engagement to reception.  The official engagement began with the pastor and witnesses present, and was recorded by the city clerk, who had to check that they were both properly baptized. If the couple was from a rich family they were allowed 60 guests, from a family with a regular or middle income, they were allowed 40 guests. Poor families were allowed 24 guests or less.  The meal could include no baked sugar items or marzipan. No dancing was allowed to celebrate the wedding and the party had to be over by 10 p.m.

I imagined all the unhappy, young German brides limited by these laws, wishing for the freedom to have the choice between an elaborate or simple wedding celebration. I also imagined their parents, more concerned with the expenses and details, not as eager. I think that even though times, customs, and laws regarding marriage change, the idealism and prospect for that perfect wedding is always in the heart of the young.