Recently I’ve had the opportunity to think a bit about interviewing relatives. My sister-in-law was quizzing me about the best way to get information from her grandfather about their family history the other night. I’ve also recently had the opportunity to sit down with my own grandmother, who is at the point in life where she simply wishes she was history. I also had the chance to interview my own mother a bit before she died earlier this year. This post contains some scattered thoughts about family interviews.

I’ve observed that it can sometimes be difficult for older relatives to talk about the people they knew or who they had heard about from their elders, especially when everyone they know has already passed on. It can be particularly difficult if they don’t feel connected or close to the person interviewing them. Recording equipment can make some people nervous, or they may not allow you to record them at all. There are many ways to overcome these obstacles in interviewing family members, but the best method that I’ve found is simply to be honest and take a real interest in talking with the person your interviewing. Make it clear that you are interested in them not just for what they know about your great-greats but because you’re interested in the story of their life. You’re there because you want to talk with them. Be patient.

Both I and my mother have interviewed my grandmother many times, but every time I talk with her about what life was like when she was growing up, or how she met my grandfather, I learn something new. It’s different with everyone but if you can find a question that’s not too difficult for the person to answer they will sometimes move through several stories or subjects on their own. For some people if you interupt with a question it stops them in their tracks and for others they can keep going if you ask questions along the way. Some people will never slip into the narrative but will make you ask them question after question. It’s nice to have a list of questions with you already prepared or paper to note more questions on as you talk and listen. You will simply have to get to know how the person you are interviewing will react and change your tactics accordingly.

With my grandmother, I’ve learned to wait until she pauses in her stories to go back and ask questions about something. If I ask a question in the middle of a story it confuses her and stops the flow of her thoughts and she will answer the question briefly and then fall silent. I’ve also found I need to ask about specific things that I know she can give me details about, such as what chore did she hate doing the most when she was a kid, or when was the first time she could remember riding in a car. Sometimes, going through pictures with the person you are interviewing can help to spark the memory of stories from the past, as well as identify previously unknown-to-you relatives. You can also relate to them the things that you learn in your research and include them in your research adventures. Once about five years or so ago, my mother was visiting with her cousins at my grandmother’s house and they were reviewing family history charts, old photos, and recalling stories they remembered. In going through some old pictures my grandmother stunned everyone by divulging that, no, that was her grandpa’s second wife. Everyone was floored because none of them had ever heard he had remarried. My grandmother didn’t spend a great deal of time with that set of her grandparents and previous inquiries had never revealed much information on that part of the family. Questions such as “Can you tell me about your Grandpa and Grandma Peters?” can be too open ended for some interviewees. More precise questions can bring up stories or information which the interviewee would not think to offer because they wouldn’t consider it interesting or important, or they just don’t think of it at the time.

Something to keep in mind as autumn begins and we get closer to the gift giving season and family get-togethers: Among my most treasured possessions are the tapes and CD’s my family has made of my grandparents and my parents telling about their lives, the people they knew, and the stories and events they grew up with. Although some of these family members have been gone for years, it’s nice every now and then to hear their voices recounting the anecdotes of their lives and stories about their family members that died long before I was born. I don’t know why it is that people tend to feel more for others when they know their stories, but they do. It seems to be true of not only strangers, but family as well. How well do you know your living family’s history?